Government earmark £4 billion to rebuild Richard Branson’s island

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Branson's windfucked island

The Government is set to earmark four billion pounds to rebuild Richard Branson’s hurricane damaged island in a forthcoming statement due to be announced by Theresa May at her speech at the Conservative conference.

Arriving in Manchester Mrs May said “It’s very important that poor people see Richard lounging around in a hammock on his own private island so they have something to aspire to and are more likely to pull their socks up.”

Whilst the Prime Minister herself refused to answer any further questions, a source close to Mrs May has denied any connection between the funding and a forthcoming holiday on the island for the entire cabinet. Similarly, rumours of any connection between the systematic under funding of the NHS and the rise of Virgin Healthcare have been cited as pure coincidence.

“Obviously there isn’t a magic money tree. Richard will have to pay back every penny. Not…

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